Sunday, January 17, 2010

Getting off the Good Ship Lollypop

Dear Poe Nose:

Should I dump my new Korean boyfriend because he is very clingy, and oh so sugaree, cutesy, apple-pie with cream and cherries on top, puppies & kittens, koalas & joeys, sweet?

P.S. He has come to my country to study English, and obviously to also 'study' some sweet potato rice-queen ass! But mostly to study English.

Anonymous 40 year old, who has been single for 38 of the past 40 years.


Dear Susie McWhiney:

Look, I don't know if they have something called 'math' in your country of origin, but if you have been single 38 out of the past 40 years, you started dating when you were 2. If this is truly the case, you have bigger problems than a clingy dude, my friend.

Secondly, if you have been single 38 out of those 40 years, then you should be delighted with whatever carbon-based life form comes along -- and stop worrying about how clingy and whiny the guy is.

Seeing that this seems to be your one and only shot at a relationship, why not sit him down and gently explain to him that you are really happy he is so nice, and it's a wonderful quality in a man, and that *some* girls out there like the cutesy talk but you aren't really one of them. Explain to him that you find him attractive and that he's a good person, but you don't need all the sugar in a relationship -- you are looking for something real to grab hold of, and you know it's there in him -- and see how he responds. He may just be conditioned to act this way -- maybe his mother/sister/ex-girlfriend etc. expected him to behave like that, and he simply doesn't know any better now that he's with you.

If he doesn't take the hint and you cannot stand it, you may have to end the relationship and let him find another survivor of the Good Ship Lollypop to attach himself to, thus resigning yourself to being a lonely sweet-potato queen waiting for his King to come along.

Or you can always try eHarmony. I hear good things...

The Poe Nose

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