I have a friend (and I use that word in the most liberal sense) who insists on trying to exorcise me on a daily basis (and I don’t mean take me around the block for a walk). Aside from offering a snarky remark here and there and the occasional photo of a snot-nosed toddler or a college dude snorting beer, I don’t know what I have done to give her the impression that my soul needs release from some evil entity within. I don’t froth at the mouth or curse uncontrollably at priests, and I certainly have never had occasion to spew pea-green soup into anyone’s face. Your counsel on this matter is most appreciated!
Mephistopheles
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Dear Mephy (or as I like to call you, Theresa):
You know, sometimes people are simply evil and they just don't know it. Somewhere, waaaay deep down inside you, lurks a seed that has been planted, and it's just growing, growing, growing away into the Sin Tree.
It's probably chromosomal and occurred at conception so you can't help it. Nonetheless, you are obviously a bad egg and your companion can see that, as people who are chosen to be saved can see the black aura that surrounds you. *shrug* Sucks.
While this may alarm many people, I suggest you not fight what has been preordained for you! Accept yourself and your imminent doom and celebrate it! Eat, spend, drink and be merry! Embrace it with open arms and you will be able to sleep peacefully at night.
Do not bother to thank me...I live to be of service!
The Poe Nose
7 comments:
Personally, I think Mephy should just accept her dark side and start work on her throne of skulls.
Exactly! Why spend your time in a self-loathing shame spiral!!
Because you are preordained as evil right down to the cellular level just sit back ....and enjoy the ride!!!!
And hey, if you happen to knock over a liquor store, keep in mind the PNose likes Grey Goose.
Just an FYI
I feel a new sense of freedom already -- I've given up the good fight so to speak. And I know whose skull is going to be the first to go on my throne, o thee of the urge to exorcise.
Hey, I thought I was hiring minions for you! You can't use my skull for your throne -- who'll recruit underlings and make sure your mountaintop citadel is secure?
Bring me the skull of Bubbles, and I shall forgive your compulsion to dislodge the diabolic seed from my soul.
Yes, my mistress.
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